What Is a Man?
In the year 2026, that might seem like a loaded question!
Okay, pause for a moment and think about how you would answer it. And no, this isn't a trick question.
I've noticed something interesting when asking people this seemingly straightforward question. Some freeze, others look visibly confused, and many struggle to find the words to articulate an answer. Why?
I think it's because we've become so accustomed to debating what a man should or shouldn't be that we've lost sight of what it actually means to be one.
The troubling part is, if we struggle to answer such a fundamental question, how can we begin to tackle the more complicated ones? What ought a man be like? What responsibilities should he embrace? What should he aspire to become? And perhaps most importantly, who is teaching young men how to get there?
Growing up, my parents instilled in me a relatively straightforward understanding of what it meant to become a man. Work hard, get an education, build a career, find a woman you love, start a family, and provide them with a better life than the one you inherited. This was how you measured success as a man. Sounds simple enough, right?
I was raised in a Hispanic, Christian household where the American Dream wasn't merely an abstract ideal. It was something worth believing in because, to my family, that dream was very real and within reach of anyone willing to work hard enough to pursue it.
Now, at 28 years old, I'm married, have a daughter, own a home, and have established a career that I'm proud of. By many of the conventional measures I grew up with, I've achieved much of what I once believed adulthood was supposed to look like.
But there's something I think is incredibly important to acknowledge: I did not accomplish any of this alone, and plenty of luck was involved in my success.
I believe hard work is one of the biggest factors contributing to a person's success, and certainly one of the few things within our control. But it is not the ONLY factor.
The pride in me wishes I could attribute whatever success I've experienced in life entirely to my sheer grit, dedication, and genius. I pulled myself up by my own bootstraps and did it all on my own! How impressive would that be? Truth be told, without the help of my parents, teachers, mentors, and friends, I would not be where I am today. I received A LOT of help, and I'm not ashamed to admit it. I've come to question how realistic it is to expect young men to achieve these milestones entirely on their own, as they're so often encouraged to do by popular personalities on social media.
Personally, I find the notion that any successful young man is completely "self-made" rather absurd. Of course, some are born into considerably more difficult circumstances than others, and some have worked much harder to overcome the obstacles placed before them. But if we're being honest with ourselves, very few of us get anywhere in life without someone extending a helping hand to lift us up along the way.
What happens to the young men who don't have anyone to extend that hand to them?
As I approach 30, I find myself increasingly questioning what it actually means to be a successful man in modern America and, perhaps more importantly, how realistic it is to expect young men to live up to the expectations placed upon them.
The world in which many men are trying to live out these traditional values is considerably more complicated than the one I imagined growing up. We're still telling young men to work hard, become financially independent, find a wife, raise a family, and provide for those they love. Yet the economic, social, and cultural circumstances surrounding these expectations have changed dramatically.
Consider homeownership, for example. According to the National Association of Realtors' 2025 report, the median age of first-time homebuyers reached a record 40 years old. In the 1980s, the typical first-time buyer was still in their late 20s. Let that sink in for a moment. One of the defining milestones of the American Dream is now being reached considerably later in life by those who manage to achieve it.
I don't believe that means the American Dream is dead, but I do think it raises legitimate questions about whether the path to achieving it has become more difficult.
Before you write this off as the ramblings of another lazy, entitled Gen Z crybaby, allow me to make my case.
Let me be clear: I believe America is the greatest nation in the world.
My grandparents on both sides of my family experienced poverty in Cuba before immigrating to the United States, where they worked tirelessly to give my parents an opportunity at a dignified life. They arrived with very little, but through hard work and sacrifice, they helped create opportunities for future generations that would have been difficult to imagine in the country they left behind. Had I been born in Cuba, I seriously doubt I would have enjoyed the same opportunities that allowed me to become the wealth management professional I am today.
America is special to me. And it's precisely because I love this country that I believe we should be willing to have difficult conversations about the challenges facing its people.
I'm not writing this simply to complain about how unfair life can be. What good would that accomplish? My hope is to encourage honest dialogue about problems that, although I'm approaching them from the perspective of a young man, are by no means exclusive to men.
I cannot speak for every young man in America, nor would I pretend to. But I can speak from my own experiences, the experiences of the men around me, and the concerns I've developed as I've grown older. And there are quite a few things that concern me.
So, let's circle back to the question I posed at the beginning of this post, but with a twist.
What does it mean to be a man in America in 2026?
Depending on whom you ask, you'll receive remarkably different answers.
Some will tell you that a man should be physically "looksmaxxed," rich, emotionally stoic, and capable of attracting beautiful women. Others will argue that these supposedly "traditional" and chauvinistic expectations of masculinity are precisely what young men need to move beyond. They'll emphasize emotional awareness, empathy, sensitivity to others, and freedom from conventional social norms. Meanwhile, a generation of young men is trying to make sense of these conflicting messages. They're growing up in a world where social media offers a seemingly endless exhibition of wealth, physical perfection, and romantic success. Strangers on the internet promise to teach them how to become "alpha males," often for an exorbitant price. Pornography and online relationships can offer substitutes for intimacy without the vulnerability of real relationships. Gambling promises wealth without years of sacrifice, and political movements offer belonging to those who feel disenfranchised.
And while it's tempting to dismiss these concerns as exaggerated, some troubling statistics suggest that something deserves our attention.
According to a 2021 study by the Survey Center on American Life, 15% of American men reported having no close friends whatsoever, compared with just 3% in 1990. The percentage of men reporting six or more close friends fell from 55% to 27% over the same period.
Think about that. We're more digitally connected than ever before, yet a meaningful share of men report having not even a single soul that they would consider a close friend.
The challenges extend into romantic relationships as well. A Pew Research Center report published in 2023 found that 63% of American men under the age of 30 described themselves as single, compared with 34% of women in the same age group. Of course, being single isn't inherently a problem, nor does it necessarily mean someone is lonely or unhappy. But it does make me wonder how young men are navigating relationships, intimacy, and the expectations placed upon them.
Welcome to 2026. This is the state of affairs.
What happens to young men when they lack meaningful mentorship, struggle to form relationships, feel unable to express their insecurities, and begin to question whether the opportunities promised to them are still attainable?
At 28 years old, I certainly don't claim to have anything even remotely close to all the answers. I'm still learning what it means to be a good husband, a father, and a man myself. But as I look around at the experiences of other men in my generation, I can't help but wonder whether we're spending too much time debating what masculinity should look like and too little time asking what young men actually need.
So, what do young men ACTUALLY need to develop into healthy, mature men who are capable of contributing meaningfully to society and preparing the next generation to do the same?
I've spent some time reflecting on this question, and while my list is far from exhaustive, I believe these six things would be a good place to start:
Mentorship and guidance from older men.
Confidence in their God-given identity and dignity as men.
Genuine brotherhood, friendship, and camaraderie with other men.
A purpose greater than themselves.
A commitment from older generations to invest in their future.
A meaningful voice in our political and civic institutions.
Now, if you take a moment and review the list carefully, you'll notice something quite interesting. There isn't a single item that mentions making six figures, having a six-pack, driving an expensive car, or the number of women you’ve slept with.
Somewhere along the way, we've confused the outward appearance of a "successful" man with the marks, character and inward disposition that actually make him a good one. Please understand that the things I've listed are not unique to young men. We all need guidance, meaningful relationships, a sense of purpose, and opportunities to build fulfilling lives. But I believe there's something worth examining about the particular challenges facing young men today and the messages they're receiving about what it means to be successful. None of this is to suggest that young men bear no responsibility for their own circumstances. Actually it is the opposite.
I believe personal responsibility, discipline, humility, and a willingness to sacrifice are essential qualities of a mature man. But responsibility is a two-way street.
We cannot expect young men to become responsible, capable adults while simultaneously neglecting the relationships, institutions, and opportunities that help them develop those qualities. As I navigate marriage, fatherhood, and my career, I'm increasingly convinced that becoming a good man has everything to do with who I am when nobody is watching me.
Sure, that may sound like a cliché. It pained me to write that because I know how many people will roll their eyes reading it but I think it's a truth we've neglected in a culture increasingly consumed by clicks, likes, followers, subscribers etc.
If nobody sees your progress at the gym, your accomplishments at work, or your piety at church, did any of it really happen? Of course it did, in fact let me blow your mind: ITS MORE REAL. What is done in private and when no one is looking is MORE REAL than the things you do for others to observe.
Yet we've become so accustomed to seeking validation that we sometimes forget the value of doing something worthwhile simply because it's the right thing to do. Being a good man means developing character beyond the gaze of others. It means doing what is right, not because we expect recognition or praise, but because it is right. It means serving something greater than ourselves, accepting responsibility for those who depend on us, and extending a helping hand to those who come after us.
We ought to do these things not as transactions or favors to be held over someone else's head, but as acts of grace, freely given without the expectation of repayment. What a whacky thought in a hyper individualistic culture that fetishizes the lone wolf.
Defining what a man is may be profitable to a civilization, but understanding what a man ought to be is a treasure beyond measure.
So, I began this article by asking a seemingly simple question: What is a man? I'll leave you with another.
What kind of men are we, as a country, helping the next generation become?
After all, we reap what we sow and a nation that fails to cultivate strong, virtuous, and responsible men cannot expect to enjoy the fruits of their character: security, and freedom.
